Helping Children Understand Death and Funerals
Talking to children about death is never easy. Many parents and carers worry about saying the wrong thing, causing distress, or answering questions they don’t feel ready for themselves. Yet children often sense when something significant has happened and may feel more anxious if they are left confused or excluded.
At F P Gaunts & Sons, we’ve supported families through generations of loss, and we understand how important it is to help children feel safe, included and supported during a difficult time.
Should Children Be Told About a Death?
In most cases, yes. Children are often far more perceptive than adults realise. Avoiding the subject or using vague explanations can lead to confusion or fear.
When explaining a death:
- Use clear, simple language
- Avoid euphemisms like “gone to sleep” which can be frightening
- Be honest, while keeping explanations age-appropriate
For example, saying “Grandad has died, which means his body has stopped working and he can’t come back” is clearer and less alarming than indirect phrases.
How Much Should You Explain?
This depends on the child’s age and understanding.
- Young children may ask the same questions repeatedly — this is normal
- Older children may want more detail or ask practical questions
- Teenagers may show grief in less obvious ways
It’s okay to say “I don’t know” or “We can talk about that later” if you’re unsure how to answer something. Reassurance and openness matter more than having the perfect words.
Should Children Attend a Funeral?
There’s no right or wrong answer — it depends on the child and the family.
Many children find comfort in attending a funeral, as it helps them:
- Say goodbye
- Understand what has happened
- Feel included rather than left out
If a child does attend, it can help to:
- Explain beforehand what will happen
- Let them know they can leave if they feel overwhelmed
- Arrange for a trusted adult to support them during the service
Giving children a choice, where appropriate, can help them feel more in control.
How Funerals Can Help Children Grieve
Funerals provide a chance for children to express their feelings in their own way. Some may cry, others may be quiet, and some may appear unaffected at first.
You might encourage children to take part by:
- Writing a message or drawing a picture
- Choosing a flower
- Listening to a piece of music that reminds them of the person
Small acts of involvement can help children process loss and feel connected.
Supporting Children After the Funeral
Grief doesn’t end when the funeral does. Children may continue to ask questions weeks or even months later.
Helpful ways to support them include:
- Keeping routines where possible
- Encouraging open conversation
- Letting them express feelings through play, drawing or writing
- Watching for changes in behaviour that may signal they need extra support
If you’re concerned, schools, GPs and bereavement charities can offer additional guidance.
We’re Here to Support the Whole Family
At F P Gaunts & Sons, we believe funerals should support everyone affected by a loss — including children. We are always happy to talk through how to include younger family members, answer questions, or help you decide what feels right for your family.
If you need guidance or reassurance at any stage, please don’t hesitate to reach out. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
